Love or Fear

This Madame X story is brought to you courtesy of a client.

I'm standing in my kitchen, holding my phone, reading a draft email to my boss where I ask for two weeks off.

In a row.

I’ve already reread it six times.

 I haven’t taken a vacation in three years. I know it’s busy season but...it’s normal to take vacation. Right? Necessary even. Still, I hesitate.  

Do I sound like I’m complaining? Ungrateful? Should I add more to the sentence about coverage while I’m out? Remove the exclamation point?  

Madame X clears her throat. “Well,” she says, “you could send it. But wouldn’t it be smart to think about it a little bit longer? Maybe the trip doesn’t need to happen on your actual 20th wedding anniversary. It’s so busy at work. You don’t want to look insensitive. Or demanding.”  

Sigh. I open Instagram. Just for a second. Just to regroup. Twenty minutes and twenty cute cat videos later, the email is still unsent.  

Madame X smiles. “There,” she says. “That’s better. You can think about it tomorrow.”

***

What happened in my client’s kitchen wasn’t laziness or poor time management. It was fear. Attempting to cloak itself as responsibility.

 Madame X has lots of voices. She can sound panicked and impulsive. Or calm and insistent. She asks questions that feel smart enough to trust, questions that get you spinning, overthinking, second-guessing something that was clear just moments ago. Almost always, those questions point in the same direction: stay small, stay safe, or fix it NOW.

Here’s one simple way to start noticing when she’s running the show.

The next time you feel stuck, stalled or oddly exhausted by a small decision, ask yourself one question:

Am I about to do this from love or from fear?

Love might look like rest. Honesty. Celebration. Asking for what you need.

Fear, can feel overwrought and urgent, or, it can delay. It opens Instagram “just for a second.” It convinces you that waiting is wisdom.

When my client got honest with herself, she realized the email went unsent not because she needed more clarity. It stayed in her drafts because she was afraid her value would shrink in her boss’s eyes if she stepped away.

So before you hit send - before you take action or decide not to - pause.

Ask yourself: love or fear?

You don’t have to fix it yet. Just notice.

Awareness is how Madame X starts to lose her grip. And that’s exactly what we want.

If you’d like to go deeper into practical tools and techniques for quieting Madame X, you can learn more about my book, Facing Madame X: Tools for Women, here.